Asking For Help.....

I am a strong person.

I have ALWAYS been raised that way.

My parents always raised me to stand on my own two feet, to be smart, to work hard, to never expect anything from anyone, and it's tiring.

It's difficult being an adult. As children we can't wait for the adventure... for the excitement.... for the fairytale. We have this idea of what life is supposed to be. Unfortunately life rarely turns out the way we think it will when we are children. There are trials. Sometimes these trials are small, losing a loved one, having a heart broken, or... not getting into the school we want. But, more often than not, they are things far more serious. For me it was when I lost my first child and I felt as if the world had stopped spinning, when my husband and I could no longer enjoy each others company without being drunk, for walking out the door.... not knowing if I could ever stand on my own two feet again, trying to live on my own for the very first time of my adult life and not knowing if I could afford it, learning to trust in people... not always thinking they are going to screw me over, falling in love again... hoping that this time my heart won't be shattered into a million pieces, and realizing that I am broke and can't afford my life.

It's scary asking for help. You have to let yourself be completely vulnerable. You have to share a secret with someone... anyone who can save you. You are putting yourself out there.... naked... and asking someone to cover you. It is humiliating... terrifying... and heartbreaking.

I should know better than to be afraid to ask for help. I watched my family crumble because of their pride. I watched us lose everything due to the fact that they couldn't just.... humble themselves... face the music... and ask for help.

It's a lesson I should have learned... and yet I still waited till the last minute to ask.

But the fact that my request was taken... and accepted... made me feel that much more of an open and honest person.

One of the things that I have learned from my ex-husband is to be an honest person, to be real, and to always be the person that doesn't just shove things under the rug.

I have done really good with this, and I feel as if it has made my life better. But yet, I was still afraid to tell the truth about the situation I was in.

I feel like I can breathe again, and I also feel an overwhelming feeling of love and admiration for the people that are in my life. Not one person has looked down on me, not one person has ignored me, and not one person has told me I am an idiot.

Once again I feel like I am the luckiest person in the world. I have amazing friends that are so supportive and loving. I have the greatest family in the world who support me through thick and thin, and I am thankful for myself. I don't say it enough.... but even though I have gone through a lot of really crappy situations... somehow I have kept a semi-optimistic view on life. I don't think the world is going to end everytime bad things are happening... I don't give up.... it's tiring.... but I have so much to grateful for.


Thank you... Everyone....