Robin was discussing my situation with one of her friends and they both agreed that if something were to ever happen to their significant others that they wouldn't even know how to date... and that it would probably just be easier to sit at home and become crazy cat ladies. Robin then informed me that she doesn't envy me.
Dating.... sucks.
When I left my husband I had a theory. I didn't want to do what I always did in the past. I didn't want to meet someone, become completely attached, and lose what little freedom I had gained. I wanted to have some time to just.... have a good time. I wanted to just breathe and act my age for a second. Nothing serious, no real attachments, and nothing permanent. I thought it would be fun.
I tried a dating site... and the first date I ever went on asked me to go away with him for the weekend.... bye bye date number one. A childhood friend of mine was going through a divorce at the same time as me and we were trying to lean on each other.... until he told me he was falling in love with me.... we don't talk anymore. One of the few men I trusted and considered a great friend told me that he couldn't spend time with me anymore because he was in love with me. An ex-boyfriend asked me to move to another state to be with him. I contacted a different childhood friend and asked him out on a date... and he brought up marriage... which totally freaked me out....
During this whole time Robin has been completely supportive of me. Many nights I have called her for advice while she has children crying in the background. She and her husband Paul have confrenced me on phone calls about how to handle first dates. They've given advice on what to wear, where to go, and things to say... and let's face it they are there for my pre-date jitters phone call where I am completely freaking out.
But nothing beats one of my more recent phone calls.
I was nervous. I got asked to 'hang out' with a guy that I had recently met. It was last minute.... and we decided to just grab a pizza and watch some movies at my apartment. Not really a date... but a pre-date (that's what he called it). Paul and Robin gave me some pointers... then the date showed up.
The first five minutes turned out really well. He didn't seem nervous, we talked about movies, and music, and we had a lot in common. And then... we ran out of common things to talk about. And then... he started talking about himself. And then.... I realized that I was on a date with my ex husband... just in another body. His likes, his dislikes, and his passions were all the same. He loves to talk politics, and religion, and about pshycology. He enjoys being the one in a relationship to point out the problems and fix them. And at this point.... all I could think of is... how long do I have to wait before I can tell him to leave without sounding rude.
Now by the time this 'pre-date' ended it was pretty late. But I decided to text Robin anyways. And I was surprised that she had waited up to hear from me. Which resulted in a phone call. A phone call that to this day I don't think I will ever forget. I explained what happened. I started off with the fact that everything seemed like it was going well, but then I started to explain some of the things he was talking about.... and then Robin started to chuckle. As I went deeper into the situation... Robin started laughing harder. By the time I was done telling her every detail of this failed 'pre-date' Robin was laughing so hard that she had woken up her oldest child. The best part of this whole thing is when Robin apologized for laughing, but explained to me that she was soooooo happy that this was happening to me and not to her. And then I started laughing. The comment was so harsh... but that is why I love Robin. She says it like it is because she knows that is how I will repsond best.
This whole dating thing is way more complicated than it ever was when I was younger. Now I am completely confused. There are guys that want to move too fast... there are the guys that are just playing games... and there are the guys that just out right suck. Not to mention.... trying to figure out what I want.
When Robin laughed at me, I laughed... mainly because I realized just how ridiculous this is. Dating should be easy. You should be able to go out with somone realize if you like them or not and then.... take care of business. But that's not how dating works when you are older.
The morale of this story is that dating sucks. Trying to find a balance between crazy and eh...... it's a lot of pressure.
The one thing I can be completely grateful for is I have an amazing friend that even though she has never had to relate to the situation is so very supportive of my horrible first date expereiences.
Who knows... maybe someday I will find that person. But... for now I feel like I will be single for a long time.
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