Enter The Best Friend Nemesis

(No this isn't really us)

Robin and I had known each other for a while.... and in my mind she was my best friend... in fact she was the bestest of best friends... so imagine my dismay when she called me and told me that her best friend was coming to visit.... yea.... WTF?

But... I composed myself. After all.... Robin and I had gone through a lot together, the bonds that we had created were strong, there was no way that this chic could even come close to being as awesome of a friend as I was... right?

Enter Crystal... Ugh... Crystal. Even her name was pretty. I walked into Robin's apartment with a full intention of keeping an open mind (and the upper hand) and when I was introduced to this adorable... skinny... blond.... I HATED HER! Then I found out that she had graduated college... AND I HATED HER MORE! Then I found out she was working on her masters degree... AND I HATED HER EVEN MORE!!!!!!!!! She was everything that I had wanted at one point.... and she was Robin's friend before I had ever met Robin.... and she was pretty.... and she was smart.... and well.... I was feeling like I was lacking in every department. The war was on....

I am not sure how Crystal felt when she first met me, I am not sure what Robin told her about me, and in all honesty I think Crystal and I have only seen each other in person a total of two.... maybe three times. But in my mind Robin was my best friend, and I was her best friend, and this bitch was going down. And so the rivalry for Robin's friendship status began.

I would love to say that there was an actual war, that there were snide comments, and that maybe there might have been some hair pulling..... but there wasn't. It was mainly just some trying to one-upping the other on facebook status's and a few very funny conversations. And then one day I accidentally posted a comment to Robin about starting a blog... on Crystal's fackbook page. And of course when Crystal found out about the blog idea.... well she just HAD to be apart of it as well. This perfect woman couldn't let me have ONE thing that was just me and Robin.

By the way... even as I am writing this, knowing that Crystal will be reading this, I feel horrible.

One night we were all on facebook and Crystal and I came to the conclusion that Robin was getting satisfaction that we were fighting over her affection. That she was getting herself a little ego boost. And at that point we decided that we weren't going to fight over Robin anymore, I told her that I would love for her perspective on my blog, and I actually enjoy talking to her.

The whole point of this blog is to make people realize that there are so many facets of life. Robin is a happily married woman with two children, she is trying to find the balance between being a woman, a wife, and a mother.
Crystal is a newly married woman who is learning how to be a wife.
Me.... a newly divorced woman trying to find the meaning in everything and trying to find a way to be happy.

Orange Barrels

I racked my brain about what I would post about tonight, there are so many fun stories, and so many good times that I literally had to flip a coin to decide what topic I would write about tonight. And then I remembered just the other day I told the Orange Barrel story to a group of people and the result was uncontrollable laughter.

When I moved to Metro Detroit I had always lived with a minimum of four people until after I got married. During the time in question I was living with my boyfriend and future ex-husband, my cousin Chad, and one of their friends Shaun. We lived in Auburn hills at the time and pretty much every night was a party. And of course, at this point the one person that was there for every party was Robin.

Sure.... she looks innocent enough... but you add in certain factors like, me, a bottle of  rum, and an idea.... and well... the crazy comes out.

So on this particular night it wasn't really a party, more like the roommates, Robin, and myself were just kicking back and knocking back the drinks. And I mentioned a funny story to Robin. Which led us on a crazy adventure that we kept secret for many years.

If you live in Michigan you realize that there are seasons.... there is Fall, Winter, and Construction. I had told Robin a story about how I had always dreamt of stealing an orange barrel. Now I had known Robin for a while at this point and I had learned to read her facial expressions by now... and the expression she was showing at that moment was mischievous. So... she gave me a look and then sweetly turned to the boys and informed them that she wanted some ice cream and said that she was going to go get some with me (yea... I know.... drinking and driving is bad... but we hadn't had that much yet).

So Robin and I get in the car and discuss the fact that the road that I lived off of was under construction and we devised a master plan on how we were finally going to steal me an orange barrel.

The plan: Go to Seven Eleven, get the ice cream, pull out of the parking lot, stop, I would pop the trunk, Robin would get out and quickly grab a barrel and throw it in the trunk, and we would head home.
Good plan right?
Well it went smooth until we got to the popping of the trunk and realized that I didn't have a button inside my car to pop the trunk inside my car.
FAIL.

New plan: Pull back into the parking lot of Seven Eleven, get out and unlock the trunk and leave it open, repeat previous plan.
But... when I stopped the trunk closed on it's own and.... was once again locked.
DOUBLE FAIL.

At this point there was a little bit of traffic, it was raining, it was dark out, and I wasn't wearing my glasses.... so we took off once more and tried to find a place to turn around... we were not giving up on this adventure.... after all... we weren't quitters. So, as we were discussing our new plan of action I was trying to find a driveway to turn around in. I thought I saw one... I asked Robin if that was a driveway coming up. She agreed it was. So I turned into it.... and it wasn't a driveway.... oh no.... it was an extremely deep ditch. And just like that it was a Triple Fail.

So here we are... Robin and I sitting in my car.... which was sitting in a ditch... that was so deep that no amount of hitting the gas was getting us out.  All I could think about was the fact that my boyfriend was going to KILL me for doing something so stupid. I was stuck! I had been drinking! I was attempting to steal! AHHHHHHH!

I could not see a way out of the situation. Robin just shrugged, got out of the car, and pushed as I hit the gas and before I knew it we were out of the ditch.

We both laughed our asses off about how stupid the situation had been, we ultimately gave up on the orange barrel (mainly due to the fact that we had been gone for too long at this point), we went back to the apartment, and we never told them what had happened. It was our little secret.

A few months ago a company was doing some work on the parking lot at my store, and I couldn't help but laugh about the fact that there were orange barrels everywhere. I called Robin to tell her about them, and how sad I was that she wasn't here to help me take one.

Dating sucks....

Dating at age 16 is totally different from dating at age 26 (granted I won't be 26 until June...).

Robin was discussing my situation with one of her friends and they both agreed that if something were to ever happen to their significant others that they wouldn't even know how to date... and that it would probably just be easier to sit at home and become crazy cat ladies. Robin then informed me that she doesn't envy me.

Dating.... sucks.

When I left my husband I had a theory. I didn't want to do what I always did in the past. I didn't want to meet someone, become completely attached, and lose what little freedom I had gained. I wanted to have some time to just.... have a good time. I wanted to just breathe and act my age for a second. Nothing serious, no real attachments, and nothing permanent. I thought it would be fun.

I tried a dating site... and the first date I ever went on asked me to go away with him for the weekend.... bye bye date number one. A childhood friend of mine was going through a divorce at the same time as me and we were trying to lean on each other.... until he told me he was falling in love with me.... we don't talk anymore. One of the few men I trusted and considered a great friend told me that he couldn't spend time with me anymore because he was in love with me. An ex-boyfriend asked me to move to another state to be with him. I contacted a different childhood friend and asked him out on a date... and he brought up marriage... which totally freaked me out....

During this whole time Robin has been completely supportive of me. Many nights I have called her for advice while she has children crying in the background. She and her husband Paul have confrenced me on phone calls about how to handle first dates. They've given advice on what to wear, where to go, and things to say... and let's face it they are there for my pre-date jitters phone call where I am completely freaking out.

But nothing beats one of my more recent phone calls.

I was nervous. I got asked to 'hang out' with a guy that I had recently met. It was last minute.... and we decided to just grab a pizza and watch some movies at my apartment. Not really a date... but a pre-date (that's what he called it). Paul and Robin gave me some pointers... then the date showed up.

The first five minutes turned out really well. He didn't seem nervous, we talked about movies, and music, and we had a lot in common. And then... we ran out of common things to talk about. And then... he started talking about himself. And then.... I realized that I was on a date with my ex husband... just in another body. His likes, his dislikes, and his passions were all the same. He loves to talk politics, and religion, and about pshycology. He enjoys being the one in a relationship to point out the problems and fix them. And at this point.... all I could think of is... how long do I have to wait before I can tell him to leave without sounding rude.

Now by the time this 'pre-date' ended it was pretty late. But I decided to text Robin anyways. And I was surprised that she had waited up to hear from me. Which resulted in a phone call. A phone call that to this day I don't think I will ever forget. I explained what happened. I started off with the fact that everything seemed like it was going well, but then I started to explain some of the things he was talking about.... and then Robin started to chuckle. As I went deeper into the situation... Robin started laughing harder. By the time I was done telling her every detail of this failed 'pre-date' Robin was laughing so hard that she had woken up her oldest child. The best part of this whole thing is when Robin apologized for laughing, but explained to me that she was soooooo happy that this was happening to me and not to her. And then I started laughing. The comment was so harsh... but that is why I love Robin. She says it like it is because she knows that is how I will repsond best.

This whole dating thing is way more complicated than it ever was when I was younger. Now I am completely confused. There are guys that want to move too fast... there are the guys that are just playing games... and there are the guys that just out right suck. Not to mention.... trying to figure out what I want.

When Robin laughed at me, I laughed... mainly because I realized just how ridiculous this is. Dating should be easy. You should be able to go out with somone realize if you like them or not and then.... take care of business. But that's not how dating works when you are older.

The morale of this story is that dating sucks. Trying to find a balance between crazy and eh...... it's a lot of pressure.

The one thing I can be completely grateful for is I have an amazing friend that even though she has never had to relate to the situation is so very supportive of my horrible first date expereiences.

Who knows... maybe someday I will find that person. But... for now I feel like I will be single for a long time.

And The Prince Turned Into A Frog....

I was raised in a very small community, where your neighbors knew your every move, you couldn't go to a store without someone calling out your name, you got married young, and you stayed there... for the rest of your life having babies and doing the whole stereotypical thing. At the age of 14 I decided that was NOT going to happen to me. Funny how life throws you a curve ball.

As a teenager I had a few very simple life goals. I wanted to move the heck out of that dinky town, I wanted to go to college, I wanted to have my own apartment, and I wanted to live in the big city. I thought these were reasonable goals. Sure I had dreams of being famous, of becoming the next top selling famous writer, and who knows... having a hot live in boyfriend. But, I had a realistic outlook on that part of my life. I was not expecting to meet a man that would cause me to change my outlook on marriage and kids.

At the age of 18 I met Adam. He was older, he lived on his own, he was a college student, he was pretty good looking, and he liked me. At this point I was working in a movie theater trying to help support my family and most of my nights were spent doing reckless things that made me forget the responsibilities that I had to deal with during the day (more on that in a later post). All was going well, sure I wasn't living out my goals or my dreams but at least I was having a good time. And then a friend of mine wanted me to meet Adam. I am not sure why I did it... in fact I am not even sure why I ever went on a second date with him considering the first date went horribly wrong. But I did go on a second date... and a third... and I even took my first out of country trip with him (sure it might have only been Canada but I had never been before..... so it was a big deal). And before I knew it... I was spending more time with him than I was at work or with my family or even with my friends. At this point I can remember little details... things that really irritated me about him back then. But back then... I ignored his every fault. And then he graduated college... and asked me to move away with him... two hours away... to Metro Detroit... and I did it.... and it was probably the biggest and yet somehow best mistake that I have ever made in my life.

The above paragraph makes it seem as if this relationship had been going on for a while before I moved two hours away from everything I knew... with a guy that... well let's face it... I barely knew. But in all honesty, I had known Adam for exactly three months when my parents helped me move into a really crappy apartment, in a really crappy part of town, with a guy I hardly knew anything about. Boy... was that a great idea. Although... It took me a while to realize just how fantastic of an idea it really was.

Adam liked to have deep intellectual conversations about politics and religion, he thought that in order for you to have a valid opinion about something you had to have undeniable facts to support your opinion, Adam wanted to talk about every single emotion that was expressed.... for hours...., if you did not agree with Adam he thought it was an opening to discuss the matter for hours on end until the opposing person just gave in to stop the conversation, if Adam thought you had a problem (even if you didn't) Adam was hell bent to fix it. These were all traits that were easy to ignore and pretend didn't exist when I didn't live with him. Sure, Adam had other traits as well... good traits... he had a big heart, he was always willing to help a friend in need, he knew how to have a great time, and he loved me... all things that were outweighed by his more stubborn and tiring traits.

I had my own set of wonderfulness.... I was headstrong, I didn't like to be told what to do, I didn't like to talk about how I felt about things, I hated politics, I hated religon, I felt that my opinions were valid even if I didn't have a thousand reasons for why I thought they should be, and I most certainly did not like the idea of being fixed. I am sure I had some good traits... although as sad as it is... in the beginning of our relationship... I don't know what they were.

We were complete opposites on some of the most important things, and yet we managed to sustain some kind of working relationship. Our friends either loved being around us or hated being around us. Our roommates saw the underlying problems and recognized us for what we were... a disaster waiting to happen, I even thing our families realized this fact. Our other friends thought we were the perfect couple... for a while. It was a disaster waiting to happen... but I wouldn't go back and change a thing, because I would have never become the person that I am today if I hadn't been with Adam.

When Adam asked me to become his wife I said yes, with one single question I once again forgot about every harsh word, every argument, every irritation, and focused only on how much I loved this man. It gave the both of us a surge of resiliance towards each others faults. He seemed to work harder on not annoying me and I worked harder on trying to be interested in the things he cared about. We were doing so good. And then... we got pregnant.

Pregnancy did an amazing thing to our relationship. Now I had never wanted children before, but with Adam I wanted them.... I wanted them real bad. He had somehow unlocked that mothering instinct that most women are born with. So when I found out I was pregnant I was excited. I couldn't wait to bring this life into the world. Adam, who had never said he didn't want children had a different reaction... he saw this new life as just making every problem in our realtionship that much bigger, he saw it as the end of his youth, he saw it as the exact opposite of what he wanted in that moment and because of those feelings each day was pretty much a living hell. He resented me for being pregnant. He treated the pregnancy like it was a chore. He was constantly angry at me. He was angry when I didn't eat well, he was angry when he thought I was eating too much, he was angry when the doctor said I wasn't gaining enough weight, he was angry when he thought I was gaining too much weight, he was angry when I got morning sickness, he was angry when I had a doctors appointment, the long and the short of it was simple... Adam was angry. And it took a serious toll on me. Because of the pregnancy he decided we should move our wedding up, he decided that we should change all of our previous wedding plans, he decided where we would get married, he decided how we would spend our honeymoon, and just like that I felt that this was no longer a relationship. I thought that in time he would come around, that he would realize that this wasn't the end of the world, and I was right.... one day I came home from work and the most amazing thing happened. Adam got down on his knees and he lifted up my shirt and he placed his hands on my subtle baby bump and he started talking to our baby. It was the most amazing moment. I would like to blame hormones for the tears that I shed but I knew that it was just relief. Relief that finally he was accepting that this child was coming. Unfortunately, only a week later, at only three months pregnant I lost the baby. And so more resentment was born in our relationship. My resentment with him and his treatment of the situation.

Adam and I continued on to get married, it was a beautiful day filled with sadness, and anger. Adam was angry that we weren't having the wedding we originally planned and blamed me. I was angry that we didn't have the wedding that we originally planned and I blamed him. We went on a honeymoon that he wanted because I didn't want to argue anymore. I tried to enjoy myself but he was angry the whole time. We got back from our honeymoon and bought a house, the place that we were supposed to start our family, and we argued about it constantly. We would go on vacations and argue, he lost his job and we argued, I worked too much and we argued, in fact... it seemed like there was hardly a day that we weren't arguing. If we weren't it was merely because of the fact that I would bite my tongue to keep myself from saying the things that I wanted to say.

It's a sad picture, sure there were good times, but they are hard to remember amongst all the anger and resentment and discontent that was breeding in our relationship.

After five years of being together, two years of being married, months of theapy, a complete year of being a complete coward... I walked out the front door of my house with all of the belongings that I couldn't live without. I left my husband. And I have never looked back. I have never regretted the leaving him. It is hard to regret it when Adam and I are still friends, and I know that he has met a wonderful woman. A woman whom he shares so much in common, who makes him smile, and who has turned him back into the man that I knew when I first met him. I made the right choice to leave him. And as scary as it sounds... I made the right choice to move in with him... and to marry him. Because it taught us both a very valuable lesson. How to be functioning adults.

I have good days and I have bad days. One night I came home to an unfurnished apartment with a case of beer and knowing I had no food in my refrigerator and no more money in my bank account. I sat down on the floor and called Robin. I was in tears. 

Robin: Oh honey what is wrong?
Me: This just isn't where I thought I would be in my life right now....
Robin: Kelsey... didn't you have any dreams? And goals when you were living back home?
Me: Yea... I wanted to move out of town, I wanted to live in the city, I wanted to go to college, I wanted an apartment of my own.
Robin laughing: It sounds like you are exactly where you want to be. You did move away, you went to college.... sure it didn't work out but you went. You just got a new apartment.... really is sounds like you made most of your dreams come true.

And just like that my will was resolved. Because she was right. I took a really twisted and screwed up road to where I am... but where I am is exactly where I had always wanted to be.

Where have you been all my life?

In every famous Fairy Tale the end result is girl meets boy, boy saves girl, boy marries girl, and everything fades out. Right? Well.... real life doesn't work that way. But I will never forget the day that I met my other half, the one person that I can share my secrets with, the person who laughs with me... and occasionally at me, the one person who I will hopefully spend the rest of my life with... Robin.

I never knew what I was missing in my life until Robin walked into my store to start as a new hire... and to be honest I really didn't know I was missing her in my life until she had been working with me for a couple of weeks.

Now to explain this fully you have to understand why it is amusing to me that Robin and I ever became friends.
At this point I was young, I lived in an apartment with two roommates and my boyfriend (yes I lived with my boyfriend out of wedlock). A typical friday night for us was getting really drunk and playing video games... sometimes just the four of us and sometimes half of my co-workers would join us. We were always doing crazy things. Life was pretty much a big party.
Robin however was a different story. Robin was married (she didn't believe in sex out of wedlock), she went to church every Sunday, and let's face it.... after she said those things I really didn't pay much more attention. The idea of Robin at one of my crazy parties led me to the image of her showing up and reading scripture at us. I thought there was no way this woman would ever be more than a co-worker.
Now out of the sake of being nice I invited Robin out to a couple of my parties, she always said she would try to make it... and never did. Which made me think I was completely correct in my first opinion of miss goody goody Robin. Until one day... when I opened my door... already a little tipsy... and there stood Robin. I am not gonna lie... I was concerned. I thought the whole experience was going to be uncomfortable for all of us.
But... then I got to know Robin. I learned that Robin liked rum... really liked rum. I learned that Robin liked to have a cigerette now and then... I learned that Robin could drink me under the table... I learned that Robin was freaking hilarious.... I learned that Robin get's very loud when she is drunk... and best of all I learned that Robin would not exactly remember all of the details of that night.

She didn't instantly become my best friend that night. But the future was set in motion the moment she stood on my coffee table and announced to everyone in the room that her friend just had a baby at the top of her lungs.... and then didn't remember telling us the next day.
Since then Robin switched jobs, she has moved out of the state, and she is now a mother.... but we have shared every experience good or bad. We still get completely wasted together.... it's just normally over the phone after her kids are in bed. We make a point to get together at least twice a year.
We always joke about how our friendship started. But neither one of us would change it for a second.

There is a goal in life. It's called Happily Ever After. Everyone wants it. It doesn't mean the same to some people as it means to others but in realilty it all comes out to the same thing. Happiness.
I had a goal. The goal of my life was to move as far away from my family as I could (preferably the city), meet a guy with similar tastes, go to college, and become a famous writer.
Well... that didn't happen.
Instead I met a man that I thought had similar tastes, I moved to the city, went to college, dropped out of college, and worked in retail.... which is where I am now.
My point of this whole blog is to tell a story. I am not sure if it is a story anyone wants to hear. But, I know I would have felt a little bit better about myself if I knew that there were others like me... the kind of people that don't fit the whole Princess mentality bit.
The simple fact of it.... Things don't work out the way we think they are going to when we are kids. But if you keep an open mind... sometimes they work out in unexpected ways.